DISCLAIMER: There will be a lot of icky talk in this post about cycles, and bleeding, and such. You've been warned!
After the D&C for my missed miscarriage back in December, we were told by our perinatologist to wait at least 2 full cycles before trying again. The plan was laid out like this: wait 2 full cycles, then have blood drawn so that they could "throw the book at me" and run a bunch of tests to see if there are any underlying medical issues that could cause problems in future pregnancies. (Who knows? Maybe they'll discover something that could help further explain Brianna's death or the miscarriage in December. I've been told most likely not. All the doctors believe that there is no link between Brianna's death and the miscarriage. Just shitty luck, twice. But, better be safe than sorry, which I am all for.)
Ever since the beginning of January, I've been waiting for my two full, normal cycles. Because my body took forever to stop bleeding from the D&C (a full 8 weeks of bleeding that was on again/off again) and because my cycles are typically longish (average 35 days), I finally completed my second cycle this past weekend.
So, this past Tuesday (5/17/11) I made the call to the OB/GYN office. I was told they would fill out the lab form and I could swing by to pick it up. Two hours after that call, I picked up the form and at lunchtime I had 18 vials of blood drawn. Yes, you read that right...18!!! They are doing a full autoimmune panel workup. They are also testing me for thrombophilias (blood clotting disorders) and antiphospholipids (not sure on this one...it's something to do with an autoimmune disorder according to Dr. Google).
The blood tests are step 1 on our journey to start trying again. I'm scared and nervous to begin down this road. What if I can't get pregnant again? Or, what if I can, but then miscarry again? Or worse, have another 2nd trimester loss? What if I have to go on bedrest earlier than I did with Brianna? Can we handle that financially? Can we handle that as a couple, emotionally? But, even with all these fears and questions, I know we'll try again. We want a family. We want kids of our own running around the house. We want the midnight feedings and crying and cooing and smiles. It is the thought of having Tim's children that helps me put the fears aside and say "yes, we can try this again". It won't be easy, in fact it will be downright terrifying. But, it's worth the risk to be able to bring home a live baby that is a product of our love, part me and part Tim. Brianna will forever be our first child, our first "one". It's because of the love that I have for Brianna that I am willing to try again.
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