Monday, February 14, 2011

The Smallest Things Mean the Most

One of the various support websites I visit on a regular basis is Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope.  Recently, they posted an idea for a writing prompt.  It was "Valentine's Day is quickly approaching. Write about something special a friend, family member, or other loved one did for you after your baby(ies) died that really touched your heart."  So, I thought that it would be good to use this prompt for a blog entry, since it would help me focus on some of the blessings in my life.

After Brianna died, there were many things that our family and friends did for us to show their support and love.  We received flowers and condolence cards from lots of people.  It was all very wonderful.  As time went on, though, it seemed that people started to fall by the wayside.  I know it's not intentional, it's that they just don't know what to say or do or they get busy with their lives again, which is all very understandable.  Which is why when people did remember her or us, it was even more appreciated.

Which brings me to the point of this write up.  On the one month anniversary of Brianna's death, we received an email from our good friend JD that simply said "I know that today is a month and wanted you to know I'm thinking about you."  To know that he remembered us and Brianna on that day meant the world to me then and now.  It was this small gesture, this remembering, that touched my heart.  It helped me get through that first milestone of "one month" and made the pain just a bit more bearable.  So, to JD...from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for that acknowledgment.

Over the last 6 months, Tim and I have realized just how truly blessed we are to have both JD and his wife, SA in our lives.  They don't expect us to be anything other than who we are.  They give us the space we need we when need it but at the same time make themselves available to talk when we are ready to talk about anything.  They have shown us throughout this whole grief process what true friends should be like.  And we will be forever grateful for that.

Valentine's Day is the day to remember your loved ones.  Typically, it's reserved for just your significant other.  But, on this Valentine's Day, I want to honor those friends that I really love like family.  So, JD and SA, Happy Valentine's Day.  Thank you for your continuing support and friendship.  It has meant more than you could ever know over these last few months.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

6 Months

Dear Brianna,

Six months.  I can't believe it's been just half a year since I held you in my arms.  Yet, I also can't believe it's been only six months as on some days it feels like an eternity.  Six months feels like such an important milestone on this grief journey, but I can't explain why exactly.  Maybe it's because 6 months is about 26 weeks, which is just about how long I was pregnant with you.

In these past 6 months, I've learned a lot about myself.  I've learned that I can have my dreams smashed to bits and somehow manage to keep on moving.  I've learned that it's ok to put myself first when I need to.  I've learned that I have the capacity to feel, really feel, many emotions deeply, and some all at the same time.  But you know what, baby girl?  I'd give up all that I've learned in a heartbeat if it meant you could be here with me.  Because at the end of the day, I still miss you and want you here with me.

Happy Birthday, Brianna.  I love you and always will.